The Profound Impact - Birthday 28

Profound - adjective -meaning  deep, powerful, and intense 

Today you are 28 - or you would be if you were here in this realm with us.  The day I became a mother, and your dad a father.  That incredible, indescribable, profound, deep love for another human being that I dont think can be felt until you become a parent.   

The hole in my soul that was once your physical form is still there, with its ragged edges and its gaping maw, but today, even through my tears, for this birthday, I am trying to find a way to honor your birth and life - instead of just surviving the day and getting through it.  It is not going as well as I had planned, but supposedly "its the thought that counts" right?  And writing counts too right?  Yes - I know I plan stuff too much!

Your dad and I had talked about having a birthday celebration at Chepos for/with you and others maybe, but we are just not quite there there yet- not quite ready for that place on this day, or a celebration again of the day that your spark became reality here on this side of the universe for a while.  Maybe next time.

We want to be able to recognize you and the profound impact that you had on the planet and on other people - proof that you existed and were real, tangible and meaninful in this space, for others and for ourselves.  

And to know that you will never be forgotten, on your birthday or any other day.  We will find a way eventually to celebrate again with you and with others!  Reed and some of the others are making memories today to celebrate and honor you, and I am so proud of them for doing that. Snowmachining and being outdoors and having fires and maybe a drink or two - raised in your honor. I hope that they take lots of pictures too today (and not too many drinks) lol.

We have so many pictures of you with friends and cousins and Reed, it would take pages to publish all of them and still it will never be enough!  I go through them a few at a time, saving and scanning them and trying to organize them - so many and never enough!

Your presence is felt profoundly today - and most days for me, but especially today, when you made me the best thing I can be ever - a mom.

Blessed be my sweet Bug Man - Where ever the Universe abides you right now!

Always loved and profoundly missed.