Today you are 29. 29 years today that I became a mother, and 5 years 5 months and 27 days since you were taken away. Each year we try to think of ways that we can honor your birth and birthday, and each year it seems we are left struggling through the day, just missing you fiercely!
There is no cake and candles, or dinner and drinks. That seems to be such a celebration of what we are missing and we are not able to do that yet.
This year I had a grand plan! I would honor you with your favorite sport! Hockey! Pond Hockey to be exact! It was all a go - 22 rinks, 120+ teams, and more cars that we could possibly park! Busy for days!
Your brother and all your friends were to be there playing and enjoying the day with us - remembering and helping to get us through, and of course trying to win an Ulu!
Everything was in place and then this happened.....
Yes - this is the lake that Pond Hockey was supposed to happen on. Yes! That is 6+ inches of water! No children were harmed in getting these pictures! He is just terribly Alaskan!
The vehicle in this photo belongs to Burkeshore Marina where the event was to be held! Our hockey team was supposed to park cars on the lake that this rig is drowning in!
Below is the side of the house with about 8" of new snow on it and it is falling off the roof in this warm spell and making your dog crazy! The weight of the snow on the lake has caused "overflow" and is part of what is making the lakes fall apart.
And so....Pond Hockey was postponed for three weeks in the hopes that Mother Nature will give us a good cold spell and the water will freeze and the hockey rinks can be cleaned up!
Reed is working out of town, since no hockey.
Yesterday, to keep busy, and because the computer was doing a goofy update, I went and helped out at basketball! It wasn't even hockey vs. basketball - it was just basketball! Funny thing is that the other team has a kid on there who looks just like Reedo! Walks like him too - although you cant see it in the picture! I laughed so hard about it - No skate Reedo! It was a fun time!
No skate Reed - aka Ben from Sitka!
So here I am today - struggling my way through another of your birthdays without a plan B. It is usually hard enough to have a Plan A for these days. Days where you are so, so present here but so so far away and untouchable! Days when the pain feels like it is sitting on my chest again waiting to make itself known with a meltdown in the middle of the day, and when every song is the song of the day.
So I am winging it - and decided to try to get into the greenhouse while the sun is shining and I wait for the day to end. Nana did a check in with me - she always remembers the hard days, the excruciating, ass-whooping days that make me want to leave this place, run fast and far, or just leave the planet all together, because I can't bear not having you here.
I started with this! Two feet of wet heavy snow and ice!
Unbelievable amounts of snow with water underneath!
Snow shovel buried past the blade even!
Had to dig that out first!
Snowpocaplypse lives! I will not be able to get through this amount of snow and ice! I will be happy to get my greenhouse door open!
Good start!
Im in the door! Slush keeps running back towards the door though and keeping it a hot (actually cold) mess!
Now we're almost home. Door can open far enough to get stuff in and out, and for me to be able to start getting planting stuff ready to go. I am so ready for spring.
I had to put part of the rain gutter so the water goes away from the building already! I usually don't have to use this except in the fall when the hunting rains come. There is at least three inches of water under this snow in this part of the yard.
I don't know if this really honors your birthday, but I do know that it kept me busy doing something useful that did not include sitting all day watching t.v. or laying in bed for the whole day - still like a vegetable and crying with loss and missing you. That is better than I have done for the past 5 birthdays we have lived through and I have made it to 5:00 pm.
I will also be doing some quilty things in the sewing room today. I honor you with this because I am quilting for some of your friends who will be having their own babies soon. Which also makes me happy and terribly sad for what I should get to see you doing. The "grand dog" does not fill that hole. He misses you too.
We will try again next year to "honor" your birth somehow - hopefully with a back up plan in place! Missing your love and light, and your presence here with us.
Blessed be.....always.
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