I am terrified!

I am terrified!  I am terrified to let my son skate again after his shattered elbow even though it didn’t happen on the ice.  He is a thing of beauty to watch on skates but I am still terrified that he will break and we will be back to that fragile place where our whole family will be delicate, our skin will be tight, we will grit our teeth and have nightmares, and we will hear crying at night and wake to find that it is us crying.  I want nothing more than for the boy to be whole and live his dream.  I am terrified that he will not be able to play to his fullest potential.

I wrote that the day before my son Reed was to take the ice and try to be a hockey player again after 6 months, two surgeries, and a whole lot of physical therapy.   I need not have worried – at least not as much as I had been.  He took back to the ice like a fish to water and no one who sees him skate now can tell that he even had an injury.  He forgets that he had it sometimes even.  More often his coaches forget and once I even forgot and yelled at him to go harder – and then was ashamed at my rabid fan over decent mother actions!  He works so hard to make that work, and he still has some work to do.  I have had a few mothers ask "how could you let him do that knowing what can happen?"  I had to think long and hard about that for a while.  Sometimes I even though of excuses I could give as to why he shouldn't play again and stay home and safe and sound.  I had a pretty big list, and then I had an epiphany!  It would be so selfish of me to let him "dream big" - we have always told our kids to do that - and then to be so selfish as to try to keep him safe by not letting him try his dreams!  How could I let him drive a car, ride a 4 wheeler, or even go fishing in a boat?  People get hurt doing those things all the time!  So we let him go and try to live the dream!

Above photo shows the steel that came out of his arm.  5 plates and 32 screws.  The longest one is 4.5".  The steel had to be removed because even though the surgeon left room for him to grow - he outgrew the steel and wasn't able to progress in his physical therapy!

We had a rough day getting through that second surgery and a lot of friends (and cousins) came to help him get through.  Here he is fake punching his cousin right after coming out of the anesthesia in recovery.

And here he is playing Defense at the Olympic Oval in Vancouver B.C for a tournament!  Strong on that stick!

I still worry him to the point that he tells me to "stop clucking mom"!  Meaning I am acting like that mother hen clucking around the chicks!   I will probably always worry.  Now I know though that he is resilient, and he can survive things that I hope he never ever has to again!

Here's hoping that your new year is better than your best year and that all your people are safe and sound!