All the Little Things......Becomming AMMA

August has been a terrible month for us for a long time now - really almost always but definitely for the last ten years.  We have made the overall declaration often that "August Blows"!  When the kids were younger it was the month when hockey started and it was fun and  positive - some good things were also Aunt Chelle's Birthday and Granny's Birthday.  It was the month when school started, but also the month when hunting (sometimes) started too.  It is a month of conundrums for us for a lot of reasons now....Rye is gone, Granny is gone, the little brother who never made it home happened in August, and a loss for the kids almost the same happened in August.

This August we got to celebrate a new life, and a loss all in one weekend.  The baby shower for Reed and Keyona's little one and the new life it represents, (and my becoming Amma).  The loss of the kids best friends dad - so sudden, so unexpected, tearing the fabric of our lives and leaving the kids in a grief hole.

Still they showed up for each other, the kids all supporting each other for every event - even the ones that were hard enough to crush diamonds.

Smiling through pain (and discomfort for Key), doing all the things that need done to make it the best baby shower ever!

I was a bad mom and didnt get any pictures of the rock stars of the party - Keyonas family stepped it up and made the party happen in grand fashion!  It was held at Jodi's Great Room off of Fairview Loop Road - its a great place to have a party!

The kids got some amazing gifts and had a lot of fun - I think everyone did!  The sun was shining, so were our foreheads (and some other places on me that won't be named)! 

August still won't be easy for any of us, but this joyful event made this one a little easier at least.

Stay tuned!  We have a baby coming soon - and we can't wait to meet him!  He is due within the next two weeks!

I hope you have sunshine on your hard days, and people to help you with the hard things!  Prayers for our families who have lost loved ones recently.

As always - Love your People and Blessed Be!

Get to Stepping - the Game is Afoot!

 My Sister In Law is a Challenge Master!  She is so competitive that she can make a game out of just about anything! If you want to get her you better make sure you know what you are doing because she is also really good at a lot of things!  Darts, Cornhole, yad work, painting, badminton......she can do it all and loves to challenge!  She beats me often - and laughs me outta the room!

My dad with the VFW dart boards in the background.  She couldn't challenge me this night because she was playing darts somewhere with her dad - Winning!

This past week she has been checking on my fitbit operation - making sure it is working - you know - just in case.....Game ON!!!!

She asked me how many steps I get a day, and why I walk all the way through the office area to use the copier?  I answered beause it is 250 steps from my office to the copier and back if I go through the main office at the School!  Makes my Fitbit happy!

It could be better but compared to two years ago - pre hip replacement - I am killin it!

I have it set so that it reminds me at ten minutes to the hour and I expect to have activity for 11 hours out of the day.  It all adds up and I have lost about 20 pounds recently by keeping busy that way - and eating healthy at Mom and Dads house too!

So......she challenged me - who gets the most steps a day in?  Pretty sure I do since the copier is only 10 steps from her desk!  Then again.....I did lay down the "Challenge accepted"! Pretty sure we will see her running the stairs and making laps around the upstairs and downstairs levels of the school on her way to the copy machine!  It IS a COMPETITION!

I texted her this evening to remind her to find her Fitbit because "game on" (yes she actually has NOT been wearing one) and her reply to my text?  HAHAHA - she laughed!

I did not get as many steps today as I usually do - it was just under the 10,000 step goal, but I did have a lot of sit down things I had to do today....sometimes you just gotta finish a thing! or two!

It is full on Fall here now ans the snow has been creeping down the mountains across the Inlet already!  Leaves are falling, turning colors, and putting pressure on all of us to get all the winterization things done before that snow gets down here and keeps us from doing the outside things!  Like walking very far without ice cleats on.  It will be indoor sports happening, other than making sure the dogs go away from the house to do their business - so steps will be harder to get - maybe - only if Sister In Law gives up the challenge, which is not bloody likely!

Ill keep you posted as we go - Im not exactly sure what our parameters for the Challenge will be either, but Ill give you an update once in a while and let you know how we are doing!

I hope you are able to get moving a little during your day, and that you have people who love you and who love to challenge you to be better!

Blessed Be!

10 years gone - part 1 .....

Today it has been ten years....Ten years since my phone rang and burned into my brain what I was wearing, what I was doing and where I was standing, but not what I was hearing.

Ten years since I drove down the one road in, one road out lanes that were being rebuilt on a Sunday even and I had to ask to go through because I was going to the Emergency Room to see you for the last time.    Even when I got there and they brought me to see you - I double checked it was really you - those tattoos dont lie - I wish they did...

Ten years...... It seems like such a long time, and it feels like yesterday. 

In that time I have had multiple surgeries, including hip replacement on one side, Sinus surgery, and Carpal tunnel.  I have NOT set goals. I have let go of things....I have moved out, left Big Lake, Houston High, and I am starting right fucking over, but nothing makes you being gone any better.  It never goes away. Searching for you in all the places, calling your phone sometimes hoping the voicemail will still work somehow (it doesnt), and being startled by the orange and the yellow green vest guys on the side of the road with the hardhats on who look like you.  I have a goal to set goals.....  I have a goal to find joy again in the everyday things - an ordinary life even - maybe even a meaningful one. Whatever that means.  I have quilted....many quilts for many reasons and it has saved my life....

....along with...

Reed has grown up, got married, bought a house and is having a baby!  Doing all the things and I know you are so proud.  I am too.  I am amazed by him daily and his Keep Fucking Going Attitude - even when things are feeling like they are falling apart again - and really they are - Reed remains amazing! I am inspired by his resilience, his love for his people and his love for you with us - like you never left.

Ten years.....A Decade...... So long ago and yesterday.

Brix still looks for you too - as though searching for a friend who has been gone a long time but he is sure is coming back. 

So today I tried to do some things that felt like I was stepping forward, even in small ways, and not standing still or wallowing in the grief of your Angelversary.

I picked some of the cherries - the ones that the bees like to eat the centers out of when they ripen, get rained on and split.  It felt good to be outside and breathing today, even with overcast skies and bees and bugs.  You would have laughed that I got stung by a wasp who was mad that I was picking his cherries - that was not great but, we'll have Cherries for weeks to process!

I took the shredding in and dropped it off.  Brix went too so he could have an adventure and he ended up scaring the poor shred guy nearly to death when he was trying to help me get the shredding out of the car!  Shredding is a good grief activity - even if you arent tearing the paper, just hearing it go through the machine is a little bit cathartic!

We had family dinner.  We ate some of your favorite food - the Chicken Coconut Curry with the "tiny oranges" that was your absolute favorite!  We had Devilled Eggs - one of your brothers favorites, and some little Apple Galettes that you would have loved and are so delicious!

We had a great visit with Reed and Keyona, but I forgot to take pictures of the food the other people in the house!  It's one of my best tricks!

Today I also heard from one of your good friends who is working to get himself back on his feet - with help from the Angels, and I'm sure you are part of the crew helping.....as is your style.  I also heard from one of Reeds old friends who still remembers us on the hard days and reaches out!  

I hope this is true, that there are angels with their hands on us all - every day - helping us get through all the things and remember you with more joy than pain maybe.  I think we were able to do that today a little bit..... small steps in the right direction, even with middle fingers in the air....

I have set a goal to make the next years of remembering you good ones, and meaningful somehow..... Maybe.... for right now, and the end of today, I will rest knowing that I have done some things that would make you proud, make you laugh, and remember the love with us and in us!

May we all blessed be!

PS stay tuned for part two of the 10 Years Gone..... it is a lot to unpack...slowly!

I WIll Be Called Amma!

What wonderful news came from the kids a couple of months ago - we are getting Grandchild!  We are getting a boy and his intials will be KCH!  We are all very excited about this and we cant wait to meet him!  The world will be bright with wonder and light, and once again stars will spill from the heavens!

Isnt this the cutest baby announcement?  Yes they do have four dogs!

As we explored the new news and what our roles would be - we talked about what we will all be called.  This child has so much family and he has already a Great Nana, a Great Great Meemaw, he has a Great Pap, and Great Boopah, he will have a Pops, a Papa, another Nana, a Gramma, Probably a Granny, I think another Meewaw, and I......I will be called Amma!

Amma is the Viking name for Grandmother.

And it is fitting for the mother of one of these too cool kids who will soon become too cool parents themselves!  It's Reed - Im Reeds mom - and soon to be KCH Amma!  Im sure it will be one of his very first words!  Which may be fighting words...... we'll see!

I am blessed beyond measure by this coming star, and the kids will be too.  I hope that you are blessed with the wonder and light that new beginnings bring.

Stay tuned for more of the blessings to come!  Blessed Be!