10 years gone - part 1 .....

Today it has been ten years....Ten years since my phone rang and burned into my brain what I was wearing, what I was doing and where I was standing, but not what I was hearing.

Ten years since I drove down the one road in, one road out lanes that were being rebuilt on a Sunday even and I had to ask to go through because I was going to the Emergency Room to see you for the last time.    Even when I got there and they brought me to see you - I double checked it was really you - those tattoos dont lie - I wish they did...

Ten years...... It seems like such a long time, and it feels like yesterday. 

In that time I have had multiple surgeries, including hip replacement on one side, Sinus surgery, and Carpal tunnel.  I have NOT set goals. I have let go of things....I have moved out, left Big Lake, Houston High, and I am starting right fucking over, but nothing makes you being gone any better.  It never goes away. Searching for you in all the places, calling your phone sometimes hoping the voicemail will still work somehow (it doesnt), and being startled by the orange and the yellow green vest guys on the side of the road with the hardhats on who look like you.  I have a goal to set goals.....  I have a goal to find joy again in the everyday things - an ordinary life even - maybe even a meaningful one. Whatever that means.  I have quilted....many quilts for many reasons and it has saved my life....

....along with...

Reed has grown up, got married, bought a house and is having a baby!  Doing all the things and I know you are so proud.  I am too.  I am amazed by him daily and his Keep Fucking Going Attitude - even when things are feeling like they are falling apart again - and really they are - Reed remains amazing! I am inspired by his resilience, his love for his people and his love for you with us - like you never left.

Ten years.....A Decade...... So long ago and yesterday.

Brix still looks for you too - as though searching for a friend who has been gone a long time but he is sure is coming back. 

So today I tried to do some things that felt like I was stepping forward, even in small ways, and not standing still or wallowing in the grief of your Angelversary.

I picked some of the cherries - the ones that the bees like to eat the centers out of when they ripen, get rained on and split.  It felt good to be outside and breathing today, even with overcast skies and bees and bugs.  You would have laughed that I got stung by a wasp who was mad that I was picking his cherries - that was not great but, we'll have Cherries for weeks to process!

I took the shredding in and dropped it off.  Brix went too so he could have an adventure and he ended up scaring the poor shred guy nearly to death when he was trying to help me get the shredding out of the car!  Shredding is a good grief activity - even if you arent tearing the paper, just hearing it go through the machine is a little bit cathartic!

We had family dinner.  We ate some of your favorite food - the Chicken Coconut Curry with the "tiny oranges" that was your absolute favorite!  We had Devilled Eggs - one of your brothers favorites, and some little Apple Galettes that you would have loved and are so delicious!

We had a great visit with Reed and Keyona, but I forgot to take pictures of the food the other people in the house!  It's one of my best tricks!

Today I also heard from one of your good friends who is working to get himself back on his feet - with help from the Angels, and I'm sure you are part of the crew helping.....as is your style.  I also heard from one of Reeds old friends who still remembers us on the hard days and reaches out!  

I hope this is true, that there are angels with their hands on us all - every day - helping us get through all the things and remember you with more joy than pain maybe.  I think we were able to do that today a little bit..... small steps in the right direction, even with middle fingers in the air....

I have set a goal to make the next years of remembering you good ones, and meaningful somehow..... Maybe.... for right now, and the end of today, I will rest knowing that I have done some things that would make you proud, make you laugh, and remember the love with us and in us!

May we all blessed be!

PS stay tuned for part two of the 10 Years Gone..... it is a lot to unpack...slowly!

I WIll Be Called Amma!

What wonderful news came from the kids a couple of months ago - we are getting Grandchild!  We are getting a boy and his intials will be KCH!  We are all very excited about this and we cant wait to meet him!  The world will be bright with wonder and light, and once again stars will spill from the heavens!

Isnt this the cutest baby announcement?  Yes they do have four dogs!

As we explored the new news and what our roles would be - we talked about what we will all be called.  This child has so much family and he has already a Great Nana, a Great Great Meemaw, he has a Great Pap, and Great Boopah, he will have a Pops, a Papa, another Nana, a Gramma, Probably a Granny, I think another Meewaw, and I......I will be called Amma!

Amma is the Viking name for Grandmother.

And it is fitting for the mother of one of these too cool kids who will soon become too cool parents themselves!  It's Reed - Im Reeds mom - and soon to be KCH Amma!  Im sure it will be one of his very first words!  Which may be fighting words...... we'll see!

I am blessed beyond measure by this coming star, and the kids will be too.  I hope that you are blessed with the wonder and light that new beginnings bring.

Stay tuned for more of the blessings to come!  Blessed Be! 

Not Dahlias -it's F'ing Rhubarb

Often here in the Big Lake Burg, we get terribly excited about things that come up in the Spring!  Especially when it is something special, rare and dare I say, unexpected!

This year I got a wonderful text from my dear friend, who always has flowers long before I do, and usually knows what they all are, and has everything  marked and tagged and Im pretty sure she has a map of all her plants around her yard (OK I do too but mine is pretty not up to date)!

This is her space THIS YEAR!

Mine still looks like this:

Hubby said "You wouldn't believe the actual tornado that came through and tossed all your stuff off of the brick patio"!  Not that it looked like my friends yard before that, but it was better than this!

She texted me two beautiful Dahlia pictures and said "I didnt get a chance to lift my Dahlia tubers last fall, and two of them are coming up"!

She said "I think these might be them (pictures from Fall 2025)

I was beyond excited!  Alaska Hardy Dahlias!!  Unheard of!  I even texted her back and said "My parents will be so excited-  Cant wait to see what they bloom!"

I called my parents right then and told them!  They also were beyond excited to see what Dahlias were coming up!  To give you an idea of how my folks are with Dahlias, my dad grows them and they are wonderful!  He probably has at least 250 tubers and at least 30 varieties!  Its really amazing!

This one is one of my favorite varieties! No - I don't know the name of it - pretty sure mom or dad will know!  We always had enough Dahlias and  Peonies to do the Centerpieces for Tea Time for Court Time fundraiser!  Always so beautiful!

Of course, in true Alaska Style my friend called me and in her driest monotone said "It's not Dahlias - Its Fuckin Rhubarb!!!"

Apparently she forgot that the Dahlias got moved to another location and an "emergency placement" of Rhubarb went in their place to make sure the Rhubarb would have the best start possible!

Emergency placement means that the Rhubarb had been somehow orphaned, or displaced from a friends house, or that friend had too much, or they had to move and werent able to take it with them.  It was a Rescue Plant!  Which is not a bad thing, but is also NOT DAHLIAS!

I hope that your Spring is warm, your plants are where you thought they would be, and that they bloom and bloom!  

Blessed Be!

We March.....

 It is Reeds Birthday Month here in the Burg and although the first day of Spring is also in March, we are far from Spring here in Big Lake!  We still have at least 3 feet of snow and ice remaining to wade through!  We are over it!

Brix and Ike are totally over it!  Too hot in the house when the sun is shining in it and too cold to stay on the porch all day!  Can't win!  You can see all the snow behind the pups in these pictures - yes they are recent - like two days ago!

I am over it!  Just when we think the sun is going to burn off some of the (by now) yukky snow and ice, the wind will start up again - we have had more wind this year than I ever remember before!  

We have also had the birthday of two of the worlds best Hoomans!  Reedo and our Meemaw (Hubbys Grandmother on his dads side).  Reed is now 26 and Meemaw is 94!  I think of all the life in between them and how much they have seen and done (both of them) in this life!

Yes - he is using a power tool to carve a pumpkin!  Multi tool and multi task on this one!

He is an amazing man, and Hubby and I wonder all the time about how he got that way - we try hard but we are not nearly as good as this guy is!  He is kind, loving, strong, hard working, resilient, and I think he puts a lot of thought into decisions that he makes! He is also hilarious with his sense of humor! Yes, you Boone!

He loves his friends his family and he loves to fish!  I could go on for days about Reed, but everyone who knows him alreadys knows all this! IF you can't tell- I'm incredibly proud of him too!

We have all been a little sick with a nasty sinus infection so we didn't get to do a big to-do for this birthday, but we will catch up (maybe in April) and do it then!

Meemaw at her 94 year old birthday party - picture by Deannah Humphreys I think!

Meemaw remembers everything still and is sharp as a tack!  She still has amazing style and good advice, and she is still very handy with a recipe when it's needed! She, like Reedo, Loves Her People! Our family is so happy that we still get to have her in our lives, even though our Alaska Peeps have to do it by phone and facetime most of the time!

March is full of birthdays for our family group and if I were to profile all of them it would be a book in itself! We have Nephews and Aunties, and a ton of the friend group too - someone told me once that March is a big birth month because June is warm!  Ill just leave that right there!

I hope that Spring is being good to you, and if you have had a birthday recently, I hope it was a good one and the start of an amazing year!

March On and Blessed Be!