A Matter of Perspective

It has been with a heavy heart lately that I have dragged myself through the day.  My oldest son has passed away and I have been sorely lacking in any type of motivation for anything, including writing and gardening.  Hence the long period of time between my last post and this one.

 I "get through" things now - gatherings, work, events, etc.  Crowds are not very fun - they are too "peoply" for all of us most of the time.  Cooking still soothes me and I have started doing a little gardening again although it is now winter here and everything is frozen solid and has a dusting of snow.  The greenhouse is still producing some green tomatoes though and that is something.  I planted garlic this fall - this will be a first winter for garlic here at Wicked Raven.  Ill update you on that in another blog.

My son was 23 years old.  I know that there has to be balance - life and death - as any farmer/gardener knows, but in terms of humans, his span on the planet was so short that is seems that it is out of balance.  He died of a rare condition that caused regular medication to cause his body to become toxic - acute toxicity.

650 people came to the memorial service and it was as good as a memorial service can be.  Lots of love in a building and lots of people holding other people up.  Lots of great memories and sweet stories of a young man trying to do great things.  Our community came out in force to support our family.

Above is the line waiting to get into the memorial service - the line went out to the main road!

Below is the balloon ceremony.  It was awesome to see all the messages to Rye float up to the heavens and give the people releasing them some release as well.  It was a beautiful day and a beautiful ceremony.

My perspective has changed on how life should be.  We question just about everything now and wonder at its importance in our lives.  Some things just arent important now; or they can wait while we do other things that make memories or feed our souls.  We let Reed fish more, and make more time with friends, and we have made more time with friends and family as well.  I am quilting more and reading books I want to read.  Our new motto is "Love your people" alternated by "We are badasses for getting out of bed",  Sometimes we dont make that one - but the love one we are rocking most of the time.

There is crying and we have to do hard things that we never thought we would have to do.  Hang the last pictures we ever took of our son and know that we will not be replacing those ever.  Choose an urn for the ashes of our son.  Put away things and go through things and wash that entire load of dirty socks! He didnt live with us - he was grown and on his own, but I think that he didnt wash socks - he just bought new - there was literally a load of laundry that was just dirty socks.  It makes me smile now, but it made me cry when it came in the door.  It has been 9 weeks and we are starting to have more good days than bad - I dont cry EVERY day on the way to work in the car, and I dont cry EVERY night or as often in my sleep.

This is my post from the day of his memorial and I hope everyone can take it to heart and try to do this.  I saw a post from a wonderful woman earlier who said her sink was full of dirty dishes but she was making memories with her kids!  Dishes can wait- kids wont!

"I dont often post terribly personal things but as I am preparing today for the funeral of my wonderful son I cannot help but remember with the really good times that we had mixed in are the times when I was unkind or spoke too harshly to my son. It wasn't often but it was there. There were times that I should have done things differently as a parent or guided him differently - maybe I should have let him do more "hard stuff" - I do not know. What I do know is that I beg all of you parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, or cousins - brothers from another mother even - make sure your people know that you love them every day. Love them with their flaws and faults and enjoy those - relish the quirks- they are what makes us human and will someday give comfort of memory to someone. Love your people. Hold them tight while you try to give them wings. Love your people."

Blessed be!  Badass be!