A little tea and some great company!

My mother has given me many things; life itself, good parenting and home making skills, the freedom and the confidence to pursue my own religious beliefs, and the ability to see beauty in others, even other women, without feeling self-conscious, to name a few.  She has walked 60 miles to raise money for cancer, she raised three healthy children, and one husband, gave me knowledge and a love of learning, reading, writing, gardening and nature.  She hosted a tea party for 250 people in her yard and did NOT use paper dishes.  One of the crown jewel of gifts from my mother is this – TEA PARTY!

She loaned me a tea set, so I might host a tea party for my 3 best girl friends.  How could a tea party even be in the top ten items that my mother gave me?  My mother, by simply loaning some dishes, opened up my eyes to the friendship and sisterhood of other women, and the importance of being and allowing ourselves to be with those women.  She supported and encouraged those friendships.  Silly?  No.  Those dishes, antiques by the way, gave me “permission” in a way to take the time out, to do something frivolous maybe, something for myself, while at the same time doing something for others.  Tea party is not just for the hostess; it is also for the guests.

Now, once a month, (lately we haven't made time - but we need to) those friends and I, take turns hosting tea party.  The hostess makes lunch, be it simple or fancy.  We exchange small gifts; a candle, a pen, a book, a bookmark, but mostly we nurture our friendship.  We mother one another.  Sometimes tea party is our place to vent our frustration with the rest of the world, our home life, our job, or even our husbands.  It lasts only about four hours, but it is some of the most important time we spend during that month.  It is just for us, women.  We share sorrows, hopes, dreams, and good fortunes.  We are able to give one another the kind of support that one does not get from a spouse, or even our children’s hearts.  We are better wives, sisters, friends, and mothers for it.  My incredible mother gave me this, tea party.

Recently, the daughters in our family hosted a Mothers Day Tea for all of us, including my mother in law, and other Mothers who were somehow family to our group!  We dressed up, and the youngest of the girls helped to cook the treats, and made menu's, and dressed the tables, and hosted a beautiful party!  It was wonderful!  And even the youngest of us learned the value of a tea party!

I met a woman during school registration recently, and while we worked one of the registration booths, we chatted about family.  This woman, this beautiful soul, had fostered 15 (I think she said) children throughout her life and currently has two boys of her own at home.  She was having a hard time because her youngest child (an eight year old Aries) is very difficult for her.  She is in her forties, and she is tired.  Tired to her soul.  Her spirit was tired that day as well.  She was remembering some of the kids she had fostered, and one of her comments was “I don’t think it made a difference”!  I let her know that it had to have made a difference because she had already told me that some of her kids had come back and told her so.  But…some were lost, she told me.  Lost to drugs, alcohol, or abuse from other families, or returned to an abuse situation in their home.  Things completely outside of her control. This woman needed a tea party.  She needed to relax, have a sip, and be a friend.  She had been only a mother for too long.  She needed the support and mothering of other women to see all the great things she has done, and the things still within her yet to do.  The things that had been feeding her soul, but had stopped doing so now, because she has had no time with other supportive women.  Women who can say to her, “Even if you made a difference in one of those children, you have made a big difference.”  Other mothers who can give advice on raising an Aries (I have one – it is difficult).  That’s what tea party does.

My mother might be sad that I think one of her top ten gifts to me is tea party, but I hope not!  I hope that she recognizes that she made a difference – not just in one life but in many lives- by teaching the joy and grace of a tea party!   Party on Ladies!