A Picture is Worth....unimaginable....

Everyone on the planet has probably heard the phrase - "A picture is worth a thousand words", but when you come to a point in life where there will be no more pictures, as in when you have lost a child, a picture becomes priceless.  Indescribably valuable.  I have thousands, no - millions of words, but not enough pictures.

I know I am hard to shop for or get gifts for mothers day - it's a hard day for me - for us all.  This mothers day the kids (Reed and Riley) blessed me with a hand made gift.  Its a little clip board that is painted, decoupaged, special papered and stamped and it holds a picture or pictures under the clip so you can change the picture when you feel like it!  It is a wonderful present for me and exactly what I needed.

Here's my Reedo and Riley Roo in a great picture on my gift - this picture is actually from when the kids were only about 14 and Reed had traveled to Utah to play hockey - Riley lived in the lower 48 then.  A great picture.  My gift came with pictures even.

Look at the smiles!  The love and happiness in the faces of the mother/son wedding dance (three years ago today exactly).  The absolute joy of Reedo  scoring a goal as a Squirt, and even a small smile while doing homework!  (Never Reeds favorite thing).  All beautiful.  A priceless gift of memory.

In my past, pre-loss mother life I was not a huge fan of pictures - they didn't seem to matter in the "moment" of whatever we were doing to stop and make sure the camera was ready and flashy things were working right and the light wasn't glaring, etc....

But now, with this loss, comes such a great sadness that this is all we will have of him forever.  Pictures.  And never enough.  There are never enough pictures.  

Every once in a while someone will send me a picture or a video of Rye or of Rye and Reed doing funny things, or just being and it is such a joy to get those.  I cry sometimes when they come but I am overjoyed to have them.

About two weeks ago Rye's cousin Zack helped me get the pictures off of his Instagram account.  At least the ones that were appropriate for me to see, and that has his face showing".  I laughed at that as I know there are pictures that are out there that are NOT appropriate for a mother to see....they all have them!  Yes, even your kid!  I don't know what he was winning with his "3" that he is holding up but Zack said that it was one of the best nights of their lives, singing "Farmers Daughter" (one of Rye's all time favorite songs), and having fun with friends.  

Take those moments.  Take the pictures.  Cherish them.

Be Blessed and be in the pictures!

You Got This!!! A day before Mothers Day affirmation!

This past weekend I went and visited with Riley (Reed was off fishing for the day- not on Mothers Day).  When I came into their apartment I didn't really notice the little plaque hanging above the entry door.  I'm a short girl and I was busy taking off my shoes to not get dirt in the house!  Riley was glad Reedo was gone so she could get the house clean and have it stay that way!  You girls can all relate - I know!

We visited for a bit and took the dogs for a walk and looked at where and how a clothesline might fit (a woman after my own heart), and where some garden areas might go (again- a woman after my own heart).  Once the dogs were worn out, and it was time for me to go I headed back out towards the door and saw this little plaque hanging above the door.

It is clear glass so you have to let the light shine through at the right angle to be able to see it.

It says simply "You Got This!"

I asked Riley about it and she said she got it from a friend of hers and hung it there because that way, the first thing they see on the way out the door is "You Got This!"  Whatever "This" might be - the day, the job, this minute, this crap - whatever is happening - "You Got This"!

A great way to start any day, and just what I needed to hear and see on the day before Mothers Day - A hard day for me always - but "We got this!"

Blessed be!

Safe in your hands...

Today is "International Bereaved Mothers Day", which is a week earlier than "Regular Mother's Day" and which I didn't even know was a thing until just a few days ago when a friend sent me a post from A Bed for My Heart.   This day is for loss mothers to have their children remembered and to have their names spoken all over the world, thereby creating a scenario where they can never be forgotten.  That is a real fear for loss mothers, that no one else besides the immediate family will remember that they existed.  I don't have the fear mentioned that I won't be considered a Mother still... I have Reed and Riley and lots of "kids" at the school who call me Mom (and a few that call me "MOther Fu@&er when Im not looking).  But the fear that Rye will be forgotten is very real.  It is physical and palpable.  So for those who didn't know him well here is a little more of our Rye story. 

Rye was one of the most compassionate and empathetic people on the planet.  His goal was to make things better for everyone he met, to keep them safe always.  He worked hard to understand what people needed and then to help them achieve their goals.  Every heart was safe in his hands.

Each trip we took we would take a picture of all three of the boys - our two and our Nephew Chance.  They almost always ended up lined up exactly like this with Rye at the top, Chance in the middle and Reed at the bottom - our little guy.  Rye always has his hands wrapped around the others, holding them close.  Not sure how Reedo got missed in the above picture in Hawaii.  It was our first trip, and a very exciting thing for the boys.  It was Chance's first plane ride even, and when we took off in the plane he asked "are we blasting off?"  It was awesome!

Here are all the boys - again in Hawaii, but we also have pictures just like this in Arizona and in a few other places that might not be so far from home.  I havent been able to find the really good "lineup" pictures since the earthquake.

Rye loved kids, any and all.  He could easily have been a teacher and he was working on starting to coach hockey when he passed.  The above baby is my cousin Angel, we call her neice most of the time and she was born about two years before Reedo.  Rye checked in with her often and made sure she was getting along ok. This picture is a favorite of ours.  Safe in his arms.

We also have Riley in the family now, and she tells us of Rye picking her up for events, or taking her places, or rescuing her on the road, or taking her for Razr rides and listening to music.  He would sometimes call her to see how her day was or to check in and make sure everything was going ok.  Just making sure she was safe.  

Here they are above - Rye on the very left and Riley in the orange coat with Sammie M, and Reedo on the right holding up fishing gear of course!  One of our last Kroto Creek memories with Rye.

When Rye was tiny we got both of his Grandmothers a locket with his picture in it.

When Granny passed away,  Riley got Granny's locket with Rye's picture in it.  

He is now, safe in her hands. In a heart given to her by family where he was always safe in their hearts and that will carry on his name.  Out loud and often, remembered and loved.

Blessed be.