The Right Hand of Pain!!! Aka Death of a Right Hand Round two!

Its been a few minutes since I have been able to write again, but Im back and  working slowly towards being more regular at writing and quilting and other adventures!  On a side note, speaking of adventures - Naughty Ike ate another TV remote!

We had this one a whole 24 hours!  I had just got it programmed right...... In his defense, the Kong toys are often made of hard plastic with soft areas for our "aggressive chewers" so he probably just thought it was his anyway!  We have learned - again- to put the remote where he cannot reach it!

 Ugh!! 55 has been hard!!  A few weeks ago, we were getting ready to move into the new school building and somehow I pulled some muscles in my back!  I have no idea how - seriously I dont - and I thought I had a Kidney infection, because although I hadn't had one for along time, I had been prone to them in years past.  I called our teledoc doctor that our insurance company requires and based on symptoms she thought I had one too!  She wanted me to go right then to the emergency room - 8:00 at night of course!  I said "Im not that sick", and she says "You might be and you just dont know it!"  Trust me - I know it!

So off I go the next morning - as instructed - to the doctor and lo and behold - I DO NOT have an kidney infection - or any infection - I have pulled muscles apparently!  Possibly the "transverse abdominis.  They hurt - just so's ya know - badly!  They also spasm if you try to do anything strenuous - like writing or stirring batter, or doing ANYTHING AT ALL!  So annoying!

My new office area sporting doughnuts on the counter!  Its a good way to start a new Friday in a new building!  Thats about as heavy a box as I could lift and I didnt bring them - bosses did!

Anyhoo - no new school box moving for me - which was also a big bummer, since I had most of my boxes in my car at the time!  I may have pulled muscles moving those?  It could happen!  So I was doing some working from home and data entry that needed done, and I also had some quilting stuff I was doing - and exciting new project called "Murder of A Viking"  A Quilted mystery!  More on that later - its a stay tuned!  Just doing "sit down stuff" and no lifting - should work just fine right?  Resting my back muscles that also wrap around to the front and squeeze the life outta me when they are spasming!

This is part of the "Viking" quilt and what I was cutting out using the rotary cutter. 96 individual pieces in this bad chicken O the sea (pretty sure it is waves - but it's a mystery so....could be something else)

So doing a bunch of finger movements (data entry) and cutting out quilt blocks is harmless right?  Not so fast sister!  Doing data entry and cutting while sitting (usuallyI stand up to do the rotary cutting for my quilts) while also compensating for the back muscles is a dangerous game!You end up with "Claw Hand" aka "overuse injury and nerve impingement"!

I didnt take a picture of it all curled up and "claw" looking, as I could not hold the stupid camera phone and click the necessary buttons with it like that!  Techno-zero here!  But you can see here some of the bruising and swelling....

You cannot open your hand when this happens!  It seizes up like a vise locked into position and it is very painful!

So..... off to the Chiropractor I went to see about getting "release" done for my back and my hand! UGH!!  He used all kinds of hammering tools that look like they should be in some of the naughty prank movies, and one that looked like a dremel tool on my hand and it hurt like hell, brusied the crap out of me but did the job!  You may have guessed by me not knowing how I hurt my back, that  I have the pain tolerance of a dead elephant - "dangerously high" my doctor (who passed away a few years ago) called it.  I was also (like Elaine in Sienfeld) a "terrible patient" because of it - I have no idea when to stay down!  And I don't like to either!  I got S&*t to do!

This is a few days after the "hammering" treatment to get my fingers to open.  The bruising is from the treatment- looks bad but works good!  Yes - it was sore from the bruising and treatment too - Tiger Balm worked pretty well on keeping the pain down and I also iced a few times a day, and "rested" my back by not doing other things while watching the new season of "Ted Lasso".  If you dont know who that is Google it - hilarious!  Still not great at laying around though......

I also had "cupping therapy" to help relax and release the nerve impingement that I had from all of the fun I was having!  It also looks painful but really feels good having it done and it works - and comes with a massage by the best!  Reeds girl Keyona is a massage therapist and she does wonders with me (shout out to  Back and Neck Center - Dr Mike and Keyona Mattson)!

This was all around March 9th that the muscles were pulled and I had the "claw hand" by the 13th, and I am just now able to resume some of my activities!  Cant lift stuff still or my back protests and spasms, and if  I type too long - Claw Hand!  So opening up the greenhouse has not happened yet, but it is getting better, and I was able to go to quilt retreat reasonably well last weekend (stay tuned for that post also with the Viking one).

It also looks like this still at my house even though it is getting warm during the day, so the greenhouse is not staying warm enough at night still to start anything in there, and with Naughty, Plant eater Ike I dont dare start them in the house ths year!  lol!  And cry too!

I hope you can see where you are going, know when you get there, realize when you are hurt, and rest when you need to.  Happy Spring and Blessed be! 

23 Years in the Making! The (so far) story of Reed!

 

My baby boy is 23!  Seemingly overnight - and literally overnight - he has turned another year on his wheels.  It was 23 years in the making and a hard fought battle to get you here safely.  Medications and bed rest and some prayers from the Universe.  A great Doc, fantastic nurses, and strong bedside help from friends in attendance......and more than 100 stitches.  It has all been worth it!

Hale and Hearty and strong as an Ox since day 1 - no crying from this baby either when you were born!

You used to climb in the fridge and get whole sticks of butter to eat for a lil' snack!  "Lil Snack Momma!"  I worried hard for a while until your doctor told me "let him eat the butter.... something in it he needs!"  Your brother always wanted the whip cream, but you wanted the butter!  You were only too happy to share it with your dog too!  Good times - except Zelda barfed from too much butter a few times!

We worried too that this would need to be a permanent fixture on your head!  One of your favorite things besides butter eatin, was to put on a helmet (or a bucket) and run into anything in your path!  People, dogs, walls, doors, the list goes on..... it was mostly funny and not harmful except when you ran too hard at stuff!

We have a favorite memory of a small disagreement we had when you were small - your dad and I that is - we had to have baby gates up all over the place since you would bash doors open and even bash the baby gates down.  So your dad nailed the one at the top of the long stairs to the basement to the wall and the railing with 16 penny construction nails!  I said it wouldnt hold - we need to add some zip ties or 100 mile an hour tape or something else to shore it up more!  Dad said it was fine.  One night we were eating hot brownie with ice cream and you had already finished yours and you were at the top of the stairs just reefing on the baby gate! ( I think the cat was at the bottom of the stairs and you wanted down there bad).  I said - that gates gonna give!  Dad says - Its fine!  Bang! Bang! Bang! You reefed on the gate and suddenly it gave way and down the 15 stair set you tumbled onto the concrete below!  Your dad leapt up and threw his brownie bowl and leapt over the rail to get to you in a hurry!  He picked you up and when you saw it was him you gave him a hearty (baby) roar and laughed!  The dog (Zelda) ate dads brownie and ice cream!  We now have Ike to crash through baby gates and you have your own crazy dogs!

You with Rye and Zelda - the brownie eater!

You always loved to have a hat on.  It seems like from the time you were born you liked a hat!  You would trade a binky for a hat most of the time and had no trouble giving up the binky - you didnt have time for that!  Dont take your hat!

Still to this day - Dont touch your hat!

You are now an only child.  That hit me hard just the other day.  I hadn't thought about it much before now, but it hit me where I live the other day.  Rye had been an only for 7 years until you came along, and now you have been an only for 7 years almost too.  We always felt bad for you because everyone else in the house knew how to do most of the things - ties shoes, wipe their own bum, buckle the seatbelt..... ya know - the stuff!  You sometimes got the brunt of frustration when you werent fast enough getting "IN The VAN"!  It was hard for you to be the little when you never thought you were little at all - "Im Gwone!" you would yell when it was you who was frustrated!  

You wore this exact shirt (given to you by the Ranums) for three years in a row for school pictures!  I still have this shirt - worn but not so much that your kids wont be able to wear it too - just not for three school pictures in a row!  It was your favorite for years!

You wore this shirt also for school pictures one year - the top part (that you can see here) says "School is important...  What you dont see in this picture is that part that says "But Hockey is importanter!"  We laugh whenever we see these pictures with this shirt - it seems never to show the hockey part of the saying, and we all know how you REALLY felt about school most of the time!

Hockey has always been foremost at our house and it was so much fun (and work) watching you grow and thrive and succeed in your sport - even when you had to overcome so much - from flying elbow smash to some of the other really hard things, you overcame and thrived!

And made some very good friends along the way!

Now that you are a grown up - really Gwone, I am always amazed and happy for the adventures that you have all the time and your deeply loving heart that hears what your people need even if you should already be asleep!  

You have always had the kindest heart - fierce on the ice, but just a teddy bear for everyday people, and animals.  

Happy to be going, even when you are tired (just not Hangry please!), you go with your people fishing, hnting,  and chasing the Aurora for miles, and running those dogs so they will sleep at night!

Aurora Photo Courtesy of Keyona Mattson

Making some great friends doing these things too!

Only baby gate you couldnt tear down! HaHa!

You have always been taller than me it seems and now your dad is grumpy that you are as tall (at least) as he is!  Now he knows what it feels like to feel short all the time and you now what it means to be "Tall guy who gets stuff down!"

We are so proud of the man you have become, taking responsibility, taking time to find yourself and make hard choices to protect your health and your relationships, and to make time for your momma and your grumpy old man!  We love our birthday boy even though it makes us feel old that you are Gwown! We are happy that you have made it to 23 - now to Infinity and Beyond with all of us!

Blessed be my sweet boy - forever and always I love you more than the snow is white and with all of MY perfectly fine whole entire heart!

Dirty Thirty and How do I honor your day?

 30 years today at 8:34 pm you came into the world and blessed us with your light and love!  30 years.....

We were forever changed from the moment you made your entrance, 7 weeks early and looking around like you already knew where you were - and no crying!  I don't feel old enough to have had a 30 year old!  I think all parents feel that way though.

Today is not what I ever imagined it would be for your "dirty thirty" birthday.....not in a million years, much less thirty.  I had imagined a birthday that made the milestone look amazing - grandkids - at least one or two and you with a beautiful life in the making, maybe a house, definitely a car or a hockey dad van even.  Dead and gone was never in the pictures in my mind.

Rye, Zach, and Shelby at the Bowling Alley -Wasilla.  Why is Zach wearing a helmet?  No Idea!

I thought about what we would be doing for your birthday today if you were here with us?  What might that look like?  Would we be bowling?  Or would we recreate the Chepos birthday of you at 21 with family?

Always the "Rye Sign"  Not sure what that is on your head but that was a fun birthday!  It was the last one we got to have a outside party for I think - this was 21!  Milestone of them all!  Look how little the boys look - and they were still pretty little - this was 9 years ago.

This is 21 with your friends!  Remember that "mat shot"?  "Ugh - Woah"! This night is the creation of the only video I have of your voice and you are saying "Yeah!  You're an Asshole!"  I laugh and cry!

I have tried to "get better" about this and to do things that I think would honor you for your birthday.  It is so, so , so hard to find things that "honor you big", or that even honor you on what I feel is a level that you deserve on the big "milestone days" like thirtieth birthday.  Not sure why this is a milestone birthday , but it sure feels like it is to me!  I see other loss mothers doing big things in their childrens names.  I try - but I am not there yet.  We aren't supposed to "compare our greif" as loss mothers either but sometimes I do - Why are they able to do the "big" things that I am still struggling with?  I am still on "baby steps" right now - so that is what I will do.

This past weekend was Pond Hockey and your brother and friends played as usual.  I wanted to be there but had the darn barfer flu so had to stay home and look at pictures and videos sent by Reed and Key.  It was a great way to honor you I thought, and I so wished you had been here to play too - I know you were watching though!  The sun was beautiful and Reed and the boys were awesome as usual!

Today.....I am writing, and getting out some of the stuff in my head that is important and that I might forget if I don't.  I have started the book.....

I am burning the "Keep Fucking Going" candle with your middle finger in mind to make the rooms smell like delicious sugar cookies and you! So I will know by that smell that I can keep going even if just baby steps!

I very much miss the "birth minute kiss" that I used to have to chase you around and around to give you - it was part of the fun.  Sometimes I didnt catch you!

I went outside very early this morning and I got some pictures of the Aurora Borealis, it always reminds me of you "Look at the lights Mama! Look at the lights!"  It seems like you are saying hello on the coldest of nights and I feel like the lights are touching the earth where I stand.  I can dream...

This picture was taken by Keyona.  Mine always have my breath throught them, or I end up taking the camera down too fast before the thing adjusts to actually take the picture!  I got three pictures of the front of Dads truck! Ack!

These are my shots!  The lights were very beautiful and Im glad I got to be awake to see them even if I cant take an Aurora picture very well!  Always have that cloud - and Yes!  I cleaned off the camera lenses beforehand!  

I still see you everywhere - driving the jacked up trucks with the loud exhaust and the windows you can just barely see into.  Wearing the hardhat and Hi Viz vest/Hoodie walking away or working on a job site.... it always takes my breath away.  Still.  

I will continue to do the baby steps, and the background work, and be a "force for good" in the world as part of my honoring of the moment, 30 years ago today, when I became the best thing I will ever be I think.  A mother.  

Blessed be to all the Mothers who are trying to be "forces for good" on behalf of their Angel Children.  My heart hears your heart and we see you!

Cake.....Because F&*K Snow!!!

UGHHHHHHH......  We had a great Superbowl day - none of us cared who won and we really were just watching for the Ads!  My favorite was the one with the flag football player!  But....... 

It snowed all day!  And most of the night!  And it got deeper and deeper and our road got down to only one lane and hasn't been plowed still 24 hours later!

See the above photo?  Notice anything missing?  Yes!!!  The LOVE sign is gone!  No idea where it went!  It went missing in the last storm when the wind blew so foul and fierce that you couldn't breathe when you went outside!  It better be somewhere out there with the rooster that you aso can't see!  Because.... SNOW!

This is after about the fourth time we started sweeping off the truck!  Even the snow plow guy couldn't get in today!   This morning I texted my people at the school and said "UGHHHHH ......Slow moving team today!"  Meaning I was having trouble getting started with the day and might be a few minutes late (which I was not - to be clear)!  They responded with "Just be safe the roads are S*&T!"

Once at work getting fired up for the day, and mostly saying on the phone "Yes Virginia! There IS school today!", a co-worker brought in a pate with a lovely cake on it - already sliced and ready to go in our bellies!  She had a little card on it - as she always does when she brings in treats, in case there are allergies or just flavors that arent preferred.  She is an amazing baker!  I would marry her tomorrow just for her cooking!  I glanced at the card, but didnt read all the way to the bottom until a little later in the day......

The card says "Biscotti Pound Cake - Because F*&K Snow!"

May you be blessed with funny coworkers and amazing bakers on the days when you are a slow moving team, and know that you are not alone in your feelings about the newest round of snow!

Be amazing and Blessed Be!