May the 4th (of July)Be With you - and fireworks too!

 We live in a place that allows fireworks and has a multitude of fireworks stands (Gorilla Link).  I know some of you and lots of pets, including my own (Brix is- Naughty Ike don't care bout that!) are afraid of fireworks, or have had a bad go at some point in time with fireworks, but I LOVE THEM!  I love the smell, and the sight and the memories that are made by the glow!

Actually I dont love everything about them.... I dont love the noise, (but really I do) and the things that can set other things on fire, or blow a hand off or an eye out, but I LOVE the IDEA of fireworks.  There is no better message for me that there is freedom, love,  and family here than to see fireworks being set off.  Safely of course!

In our Community, the fireworks seller (Gorilla Fireworks) is also a HUGE supporter of the kids and of people in general!  They help to host events, they sponsor just about everything good in our Community, and they put on some of the best fireworks shows you will ever see!  

This particular fireworks showd was courtesy of Reedo and Friends!

We generally don't set off fireworks on the 4th of July for a multitude of reasons, including; it's light 24 hours a day on the 4th of July and you can't really see the fireworks, it's drier than a popcorn fart here on the 4th and they will start fires, and we (or the kids) are somewhere down the road with family or friends or both, and.....the dogs freak out - especially Brix!  The last time we left him at home on a fireworks night, I had to replace the whole bathroom set because he got into the bathtub (his own self) "for my safety mom!", and absolutely shredded the shower curtain, liner and a rug!  It was hilarious after I got it all cleaned up and we got the dog calmed down!  Now he has some fun medication that we can give him so he isnt so stressed during fireworks and it helps with his sore joints too.....poor guy!

Here he is in the laundry/sewing room hiding behind the ironing board!  Sometimes he will lay down and rest a bit - depends on how loud the fireworks are and how rapid.  He is also afraid of gunshots too!

These pictures are from New Years Eve a couple years ago - we DO set off fireworks for most New Years, then the only thing we have to worry about is the dog issues for the most part!  Sometimes we get our fireworks on the 4th of July and just hold them until New Years - Sometimes we wait until the last minute!

And at New Years the romance might be better too - for some people!

I hope that the 4th and every day is with you and on your side, and if you dont have fireworks, I hope you have something just as good to make memories with your people!

Love your people on all the days and in ALL things Blessed Be!

The silence of the wounded

Its been another few minutes since you heard from me, I know.  There are often times when I am overcome with all of the mundane activities of life and to sit down and feel my feelings - even about the dogs- is sometimes too much!  Even when Ike is naughty, and Brix runs away to Grammas house, and my kids are out doing all the things they are (really) supposed to be doing - real life stuff - I sometimes struggle to look up and look out at the world and understand my place in it. I (my whole family& friend group actually) also have had enough "real life" stuff to last me a lifetime I think.  The saying "The hits just keep on coming!" has been real for 2025.  Here's hoping the second half is better.....

 Loss mothers often go quiet on certain days of huge loss - others are loud and proud and trying to make theirs and their childrens voices heard.  The farther away from our loss it seems that the closer we try to hold our angels and our children who are here. The farther I have gotten from Rye's death date, the more it seems it takes me emotionally to keep my shit together on the daily when the holidays/special days are coming.  I end up exhausted all the time for a couple of weeks beforehand.

The first Sunday in May started with what is called "Bereaved Mothers Day" - who even thinks this stuff up?  Ugh -  Im not sure to be honest - what if?......its always a question.  As in, what if I had only one kid - would I want a separate Mothers Day since then I would just be a "bereaved Mother" and have that be a different day?  I hope that isn't how some moms have to do things.  Its very sad. This year Reedo had surgery about a week before all of the Mothers Day stuff started so that was also looming huge over me - all the "what if's" that could happen to him, and then he couldnt get around still....so - let's just say that it was a very emotional couple of weeks.  Thankfully, he will make a full recovery!  Check that box off the worry list! We also had some losses at work that were very emotional too.  More about that later.....maybe.

It has also not helped that our weather this "summer" has been terrible, torrential rain, wind and cold!  This day from the picture above was just about our only sunny day so far and I got a little burnt! Im too pasty to not build up to sun, but it sure felt good on the skin and for the soul!

There is still not a day that goes by that I dont think about Rye and Reed and Keyona and......all the kids whom I have ever been in charge of in the least amount of ways! Hearing about things like 9/11, police shootings, murders and car accidents, overdose, leukemia, even a freakin volcano that was supposed to blow earlier in the year those are all ways that can worry a mom.  I can't watch a lot of news now or I am underwater and treading for all I am worth! No, I have not made my kids do the Life360 and make sure I know at all times where they are;  a) that would overwhelm me with emotional stuff of the everyday things that I really dont need to know, b) They are grown ups and I cannot put them in that type of a bubble even if I want to and c) that would be so unfair to them tryng to make a life and do all the great things that they ARE supposed to do!  Without the Mom - peeking at every angle!  It really is what I want to do though....

And no.....I don't sit around waiting and wondering about all the worrisome things, but I also seem to now have some PTSD that causes me to worry about things that a lot of other people don't. Although I have seen the Life360 ad on lately where the Mom is singing a creepy song about all the ways that she worries could happen to her kid... I could totally relate.  So maybe I'm not alone in this crazy worry wart world that I sometimes live in!

One of my big things that I am really having to work on lately almost daily is "please see that I am in pain without me having to unleash it on everyone around me."  Without my having to scream it to the rooftops or really, the stars before those around me can see the huge burden that is carried by me and by loss mothers all of the time - even when we are having a good day.  We forget that people can't see that...they have no way to know.  Because it's there even we get out of bed and do all the things around that are to be done and that people expect us to do. Even when we are such impressive Badasses that no one can tell how much that we carry!

For now, I will keep marching....keep fucking going......keep finding a way, every day, to be the Badass!  I hope you will too!  You are important and you matter - (insert heart emoji here).

Blessed be and once again Badass Be! 

Naughty Ike and the ODD

 I think Ike has ODD - Oppositional Defiance Disorder!  I sometimes give it the Latin name "Ikeus Oppositeafolia"!  Meaning the Ike opposite flower!  My gardening friends might get that one - sorry if you arent one!  But..... ODD means that everything you ask of him - he does the opposite - with attitude!  Not just a little attitude - a lot of attitude!  And a large dose of Sass too!

This is "Sit"!  Ike weighs 170 pounds now - give or take pound - and if he doesnt want to do something, you aren't going to have it done!

This is "lets go!"

This sour look is "move over please?"

I would say that this is asking him to get his own spanking stick - remember when you were little and your mom made you do that?  Never bring a tiny twig - Ike understands this assignment but I never asked him to get a stick at all and I certainly wouldnt beat him with one!  I have no idea why he is getting this size of a log to try to play with!  Now we have logs all over the yard and he is about the only one who can lift them!  I gotta get the chainsaw and cut them in pieces when he is not home so I can clean it up!  Goddess forgive if you try to limb any trees - he will grab each and every one of them and spread them out all over!

Once again - "Move please!"

This is a favorite - Ike and his friend Yodas when they have been asked to "Go Home!"  Home would be in the background of the photo - in the opposite direction!

This would be "Lay Down!"  Brix totally understands this assignment - Ike not so much!  He is my baby who will do anything not to go to bed!  Including cry - once he does lay down - he cries to keep himself awake!

This would be "Sorry Mom!"  and I do think he was sincere - Brix definitely was mad with him - Brix was not the shoe eater!  If you missed it - Ike ate the custom painted dragonfly clogs that you see above Brix head - ate them so hard that thay are not repairable and they are one of a kind - irreplaceable!  Insert sad face emoji and read about it here!

And....... "Im not tired - you're tired!" He is half laying on the futon cushion that we all call "the nest" because when Reedo had a broken arm he mostly lived in the nest so we could keep an eye on him and make sure he had everything he needed and had help getting up and all the things!  It was years ago, but we never picked up the nest and now the dogs sleep and watch tv there.  Good times!

Then there is "Get Down!"  Neither one of them wanted to follow this direction- Brix often thinks that is his couch and he will not get down until Ike gets down and then only reluctantly!  IN reality, this is MY COUCH!  With Currently aboput 270 pounds of dog on it!  IM pretty sure Ike's head weighs 50 pounds by itself!  Its very much a workout to get them down from there - its a dog rodeo!  I have found the workout worth it though!

All in all - they are both just giant loves and even the one with ODD is lovable!   

I hope that you have dogs (pets) that love you and keep you moving even if they aren't always cooperating with you!  

Be Well and Blessed Be (even if you have a Naughty)!

Oh Yoga!

A couple months ago I had an opportunity to host one of my dear friends for a "practice" yoga session!  She has been working on getting her Yogi certificate ( I think thats what it is called).    She really is an amazing human and I also got to visit with one of my other favorite humans too - Toria!  

I have known these girls since they were just little mini's as Toria was a neighbor and went to school with Reedo.  Another neighbor and I took turns most of the school days being the "bus" drivers and she was one of the kids we took back and forth!  Our bus started out 2.5 miles away from our houses and Reed and Toria were kindergardners when we first moved here.  We later petitioned to get it closer.  It ended up being in her front yard and only half mile from our house! But.....I digress as usual!

Now, I'm a total Noob when it comes to most things Yoga, except for some basics I have done via DVD (yes that is still a thing at my house), that relatives got me long ago.  I have very few moves!

But, what I have done always made me feel better and my joints less stiff!

So - over to my house they came and we did a couple of classes and gave feedback and learned some of the moves and poses!  It was very fun and I felt better afterwards.  

And then....... fast forward a few months...... Tyra texted me that she was having her first class at the Big Lake Open Studio!  I said "I'll see you there!"  The open studio is a place that folks can rent the space for classes like our yoga, barre, and there have even been beading classes there!  Fun!

SO I toodled off to the class (I have my own mat and everything)!  It was wonderful and it was a great workout.  I still cant do all the moves with my new hip and my other old joints but what I can do helps a lot and even my FitBit thought I was getting a workout!

There were a total of 7 of us at this first class, but I think the class will be full from now on!  We were an excited group when we were done!

Sorry Jason! I had to show this one - becasue you are awesome at trying Yoga things and you kept us in it for the whole time!

When we were all done, we got to do the "corpse pose" which is hard for me becasue you just lay on your back and breathe and relax!  What???  I do not relax easily but after doing the whole session (it was an hour long), I really was ready for some lay on my back and relax!

Then......Namaste!  Thank the Universe with gratitude!

We have another session coming up this Saturday and next Saturday and hopefully more to come after that!  I look forward to the loosened joints and the relax-ability!

May you have someone in your life that teaches the Yoga and the Relax, and may you see the Universe reflected in your Gratitude!

Breathe, Be Grateful, and Blessed Be!