The Worst Year

 2020 has been a heck of a year!  We have all heard and seen the horrors of 2020.  All of the anxiety, the strife of the election and the Covid illness rate and of the losses of lives, businesses, families, culture and sense of security even, and as we move into 2021 I think we are all releived to be here on the cusp of the new year.  We have heard many say that this was the worst year ever, but as I reflected on the year that has just passed I have to say that it was far, far and
away not my worst year.  Not.  Even. Close!

Photo Credit Ron Nicoll Photography

All of the loss mothers will tell you that 2020 was not their worst year, unless 2020 was the year that took their child.  They will all say that their worst year was the year that their child died.  

Mine is 2016.  The. Very. Worst. Year.  The year that Rye was taken and turned our lives upside down and sideways with no explanation and no reason.

Photo Credit Chugach Peaks Photography

I have other memories of that year - Meemaw (Hubby's Gramma) came for Rye's wedding and we got really good family pictures there at Alyeska.  

We had a fun trip to New Jersey - our last family trip with Rye.

Hubby's mom was still living then, fighting the cancer as hard as she could. 

We went on 4th of July and made many memories with Rye and all the kids at the cabin.

Reed grew healthy and got taller than everyone, and got his Alaska Fish Guiding license.

There were some things to be grateful for in that year.

But it was the very worst year ever for me, and even with the good things whenever I hear 2016 it hits me like a ton of bricks and makes me forget my own name.  It takes me right back to that place in time when the phone rang and ended life as we knew it!

For me, 2020 was just a regular year, no better no worse than all of the others except for 2016.  There were things to be grateful for this year as well.  

Reed is working and thriving and living and doing great and wonderful things, with friends and family!

We were considered "essential" both for our business and for my job so we got to keep working.

My family was able to be mostly healthy, and those who got Covid survived it.

I was able to quilt more this year than ever before because we had to stay home.

One of my Covid scrap quilts - you will see this later in the blog with a description.

I got to write some of the things that I needed to say out loud and maybe never to anyone in person, just have it on the paper and out of my head, threatening my life.  Paper emotional vomit.  Like this, only darker and more intense.  Yes it is there -still - from 2016; the very worst year.

I saw many "gratefulness challenges" on social media pages in 2020 to remind us that there was light in the darkness and hope on the horizon.  That there were people there for us, holding us up and holding us in hope. I was grateful for those posts also.  These are from a friend at the end of the year - one whose struggle is also very real and physical, emotional, spiritual and hard.

Some of my young friends got first houses and had first babies, and while bittersweet for me it was wonderful to see them so joyful.

So as you reflect on your 2020, I hope that it did not go down as your worst year and that you are able to see some of the good that came with all the crazy, and as we ease into 2021 I hope that you are blessed with your best year ever!

Dream Big and Blessed Be!